Taking The Long Way Around
by Snowbird forever
Summary: Matthew Cooper is a successful lawyer, living in Denver. His siblings found their happiness in Boston, the Sullys are living happily in Colorado and he is still alone and determined to stay that way. But, what will he do when one Christmas the magic brings back Queen of Hearts circus? Read and review, please :)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Matthew Cooper sat in his office, going through the papers of a new case he was working on. It felt good to dive into his work, that way everything that haunted him stayed buried down deeply in his consciousness. He preferred it that way and it wasn't the first time it happened. He did it for the first time since he found his Ma Charlotte Cooper that dawn staring into distance, trying hard not to cry as not to wake up him and his siblings. He never let her know how panicked he actually got when she confided to him that his biological Father abandoned them, taking all the money. Matthew couldn't allow to himself to get lost in panic, he had to help his Mum.

Than when she died…Even the moment she inhaled her last breath and her eyes went glossy, he just swallowed hard, his palms holding strongly on Colleen and Brian who clutched to their Mum, crying their hearts out. During the funeral, his little brother and sister held onto him and Matthew swallowed his tears again. He didn't allow to anybody to see him crying, yet his pale face and dark circles under his eyes told about sleepless nights... He remembered well those awful days when he put Brian and Colleen to sleep and said good night to Dr Mike and went to the barn…Alone in there, he stood silent for a moment, than his eyes stopped at the saddle on the fence near by. He reached it, his fingers absently caressing it…and than all of a sudden he grabbed it and smashed it against the wall, startling up the horses. Afraid that he will wake up Dr Mike, he simply fell down in the hay, hiding his face in it and crying himself to sleep…

Than Ingrid died…For months and months he couldn't find peace. It didn't help that Ethan came to try to take Brian and Colleen away from him. Matthew felt that he will fall apart. If Lillian didn't step in, he wouldn't know what to do. Shocking images of Ingrid's attacks just shortly before her death still haunted him…And than their goodbye…She was so weak, every touch was painful and more than anything in that moment Matthew wanted is to close his eyes and die the second Ingrid took her last breath…

And than Emma left…Matthew remembered the lonely days and nights he spent, wandering around the forest, taking a hike up to Pike's Peak and just thinking.

He decided to take his life in his hands and stop getting attached to people. Whenever he did, he ended up hurt. He wasn't willing to take anymore chances, he couldn't take another heartache. He needed to make himself useful, do something to take his mind of the emptiness in his life.

"_What?!", Michaela dropped one of the plates she was drying as she stared bewildered at her oldest son. Sully and the kids looked up from the table. Matthew took a deep breath in; he was expecting her to react this way._

"_I called Mr. Jameson and he said that he will gladly help me during the first weeks. I'll stay at his place until I find my own. Plus, there are already some cases that nobody wants to work on", he stated seriously._

"_Matthew, you can't just take off like that, I mean…", Michaela started to protest, but Matthew interrupted her:_

"_I can't live like this anymore, Dr Mike", he looked down, his voice was a mere whisper. Looking up at a woman who he grew to love like his own Mother, he silently added "I just can't", and with those words, he stormed out from the house. Michaela started to go after him, but Sully stopped her._

"_What are you doing? You aren't actually supporting him on this?!", Michaela glared at her husband, stunned._

"_It didn't come over the night", Sully calmly said "He needs to find his own path…"_

"_You knew about this?!", Michaela's mouth dropped slightly opened in shock "I can not believe this! How could you encourage him in such a…"_

"_Michaela, Matthew is a grown man! Weren't you the one who told him that he should go to big cities, studying and now when he is doing it, you are against it?"_

"It's not the same…he's not the same…", Michaela sighed, defeated "I am scared for him", she added in a whisper.

How ironical it all was! Dr Mike was indeed the one who tried to talk him into going to college to another city when he first declared that he wants to marry Ingrid. They had quite a fight back than. Matthew slightly smiled at the memory. He was so young, indeed. From this point of view, he could understand Dr Mike's thinking back than. Now, with everything that life pressed on his back, Matthew wasn't sure what he wanted of his life. He would give everything to be that young man again who knew exactly what he wanted. But, he lost too much over the years…

That's why Law School sounded good. Diving into his practice during the day and studying from his heavy law books during the night enabled Matthew to not being able to feel anymore. He was in Denver for two years already, studying and working in joint practice with Mr. Jameson. He didn't go out, the only time he allow himself to rest was during holidays when he would visit the Sullys back in Colorado Springs. Letters from Brian and Colleen from Boston were breaths of light in his heart. His little brother was one of the finest journalist in Boston Globe and for few months now engaged to Sarah. Colleen was working with Andrew in the hospital, however she would have to stop soon due to baby coming. It was Colleen and Andrew's first child and Andrew was a nervous wreck as Colleen put it in her last letter.

Matthew got up from the table, taking his cup of coffee with him. He stood by the window, gazing into the night. The snow was slowly falling from the sky, the lights on the streets happily shining. Few people passed by already asleep streets of Denver, leaving footprints in the snow. Christmas was coming by, three more weeks and it will be here. Taking a sip of his coffee, Matthew ignored the sharp pain tugging at his heart as he realized that it will be another lonely Christmas Eve. He loved his family dearly and couldn't wait to see them all, but seeing them growing families of their own reminded him even more of the emptiness in his life, in his home here in Denver and in his heart.

Huffing a frustrated breath, Matthew stepped away from the window. He went back toward the table and placing his cup on it, his gaze fell on the front page of Denver Post.

"Queen Of Hearts Circus – A Christmas Treat For Denver." 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Matthew's eyebrows rose a bit in a surprise. In a dim light of his lamp, he looked at the newspapers again, like he thought that he misread the title.

"_Queen Of Hearts Circus – A Christmas Treat For Denver."_

After a long time, a slight smile curled up the corner of his lips…and he wasn't even sure why.

It felt like it happened years ago. He still remembered the excitement that whirled around the town in less than few seconds when they heard that a circus is coming. With no train back than, such news was a huge thing. The whole town participated in the show. A chuckle escaped his lips as he remembered Brian and Loren acting like clowns, perfect roles for those two. Dr Mike and Sully outdid themselves on that trapeze thing. And Colleen finally overcame her fears and walked on that high wire…

He glanced at the photo, subconsciously looking for a familiar face…But, didn't find it. The photo was showing a tiger in the cage on the stage and two clowns running around it.

_Atlantis._

Yeah, he remembered her. The girl who was so shy around him, yet so darling. He silently scolded himself for not picking up on the obvious signals she was sending to him back than. He was so young, plus engaged to Ingrid, and he didn't even noticed why did Atlantis changed her outfit and the way she wore her hair all of a sudden… She made him smile back than, she made him relax and feel like a child again, and he loved spending time with her as they practiced for the show. But, was he a blind fool! She was obviously in love with him from the first moment they met and he didn't even notice it…

The article said that the circus arrived in town yesterday. It wasn't far from his home and Matthew caught himself thinking about going to see the show.

He put the newspapers down on the table and laid down in the bed. Putting out the lamp, he placed his hand behind his head and stared at the ceiling…

The memories flew right back in his mind and he was startled at the fact that he actually remembered vividly what happened that day. All of a sudden, he saw Sully leaving Heart's tent carrying unconscious Atlantis in his arms and him, Dr Mike and Heart ran fast toward the Clinic.

Matthew turned around on his stomach, holding onto his pillow as he remembered the blood that dripped from Atlantis' palm. He still remembered Colleen crying and telling him why Atlantis did it…

He fell into restless sleep not even noticing something…

This was the first time he thought of the days spent with Ingrid that the pain didn't literally pierce his heart in pieces…

**xxxxxx**

This is why it felt good to be in Denver; he didn't have to explain his actions to anybody. Not that he was doing anything wrong…

Actually, Matthew couldn't even explain to himself what was he doing this evening under the circus tent, sitting in the audience. It was like a magic drew him to it…He was working whole day, almost without a break, but the thoughts of that circus invaded his mind almost every second. The more he tried not to think about it, the more he constantly thought of her face...

Was it because it was Christmas? And that circus happened in a time when he felt carefree and had his whole life planned?

_Yeah, that must be the reason._

The lights went off and the audience applauded impatiently. One white reflector shone down on the stage and Matthew recognized Heart. Her flaming red hair was picked up, she gained few more pounds during the years, but still had a remarkable voice. He couldn't help not to grin at the thought of Jake's frustration of his own vocal abilities.

«Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Queen of Hearts circus! Lean into your seats for we bring you the world of magic into your fair town!»

Before Heart could even finish her line, a little clown ran in front of her, nearly tripping on his red nose over her feet. Matthew laughed along with the others. Another clown followed, scolding the little one for interrupting Heart who now had dumbfounded facial expression which sent public into even harder laughter.

«Shoo, you two, you always make a mess!», Heart ran after them as they squealed and ran into the audience.

Shaking her head, Heart went back to the stage and smiled «Hold your breath, ladies and gentlemen for now you will see a girl who isn't afraid of the tigers! You will see how tigers turn into kittens around her! Ladies and gentlemen, give a round of applause for our tigers and … Atlantis!»

Having a will of their own, Matthew's legs picked him up from his seat and took him closer to the stage as clowns pushed the cage with tigers…

…and there she was.

Dressed in a dark purple tight long dress with glitters, Atlantis came smiling on the stage. Making a small bow to audience, she nodded to clowns to release the tigers as she went toward the circle and as she touched it, the burning flames licked up in the air.

Atlantis hit the ground with a whip in her hand and tigers came closer to her. As audience gasped loudly, some of them even covering their eyes, she looked straight into tiger's eyes and exclaimed «Hop!» and it sent both tigers flying through the circle of fire and going back into the cage.

The tent boomed with the applause as Atlantis boldly went toward the opened cage and closed the doors. She smiled at the audience and bowed, her long brown hair whirling in the light breeze that came through the opening of the circus tent.

She walked by the edge of the stage, sending kisses to the audience when her eyes stopped on a lonesome figure close by…

_Am I dreaming?_

Something inside Matthew broke and he felt a tug on his heart…not even being aware that the first stone of the wall around his heart was crashed down and the ray of light shone into his wounded soul as Atlantis big hazelnut brown eyes met his eyes for the first time after so many years…

For a moment, Atlantis couldn't breath. She slowly stepped forward trying to get a better look at the man who was standing close to the stage.

But, before she could even calm her racing heart down, he turned away and walked out from the tent.

As the elephants came out on the stage with clowns jumping around them, Atlantis ran down from the stage, following the familiar stranger. She didn't dare to hope, yet she couldn't stop…

Pushing the curtain of the tent, she left it and looked around.

And than she saw him.

He stood few meters away from her, staring into the night, his hand running through his dark blond hair.

Atlantis felt her heart skipped a beat.

_Is it him?_

Slowly, she tiptoed toward him, without making a sound, just like her tigers.

He heard the rustle of her dress and knew that she was close. He didn't even need to turn around to know it was her. Something inside him recognized her and he couldn't reason with the warmth that crept upon his spine.

«Matthew? Is that you?»

He swallowed hard and slowly turned around. Her big brown eyes glowed with pure happiness and her whole face lit up with a smile, making her look even more beautiful…breathtaking.

_Whoa! Where did that come from?!_

And the moment he looked at her Matthew knew that he was lost.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Looking at her after so many years woke something inside of Matthew, something he didn't feel for a long time ago. A feeling of peace…and belonging.

He was taken by surprise at the intensity of emotions that swirled inside of him, yet he scolded himself to get real, that she was just reminding him of the days when he was happy. So much happened from than. Shadows crossed his path several times and he closed in. He didn't want to feel anymore…

He didn't count on this.

She just reminds you of happy times, that's all.

"Hi, Atlantis. It's good to see you again", he finally offered, small smile tugging at his lips. He slowly leaned in and they hugged. Matthew inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a moment as her soft long hair brushed against his face. It smelled of roses…

Her smile widened as she looked at him "What are you doing here?", she asked.

"I live in Denver now", he replied, unaware that his hands still held her hands.

"Oh", she searched his eyes, a small frown showing up on her forehead. She could feel he was tense…something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong "What about your family, are they still in Colorado?"

"Well, Brian and Colleen are living in Boston now."

"Boston?", Atlantis raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Yeah. Brian is a journalist for Boston Globe now, he got engaged some time ago."

"Little Brian? Wow, time surely flew away!", smiled Atlantis and Matthew couldn't help but smile a bit too "Remember how good clown he was?"

For the first time she saw him, a smile graced his lips and Matthew nodded "He surely was, alongside with Loren."

"What about Colleen?", asked Atlantis.

"She got married to a doctor from Boston and should give a birth to her first child soon", Matthew couldn't help not to smile a bit. He will become an Uncle in no time now and Colleen already fussed over how he will spoil her child rotten and frowned every time when Andrew joked that he will eagerly help Matthew to do so.

"That's wonderful news, congratulations, future Uncle!", Atlantis laughed happily and it broke something around Matthew's heart, causing him to smile again. He was amazed at the fact that she was able to make him smile for three times in less than a minute.

"Thanks", he silently said, knowing he didn't thank her just for congratulations.

"What about Dr Mike and Sully?"

"They're still in Colorado Springs, got married and have a daughter, Katie", he smiled at the thought of his little sister who worshiped the ground he walked on. She was the one who actually saved him from the endless hole of bitterness he was slowly falling into. Katie was the only one who could make him laugh about such silly little things like a bird in the sky or make him jump with her in small puddles of muddy water after the rain, much to Michaela's dismay and Sully's amusement.

Atlantis nodded, watching him closely. He got lost in thoughts, looking away from her, somewhere in the distance.

Something definitely wasn't right. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was and how did she know, but just one look at him proved that to her.

Trying to sound relaxed, she swallowed hard and asked "And what are you doing in Denver?", she looked around "Where's Ingrid?"

And as her eyes met his once again, Atlantis watched as all colour left Matthew's face, like he didn't have a drop of blood in his body.

Instinctively, not even aware of what was she doing, Atlantis caught Matthew's lower arm as she was afraid that he would loose his consciousness from the way he looked right now, pale as a sheet "I'm sorry, perhaps I shouldn't ask", Atlantis mumbled silently, scolding herself. Who knew what happened? Perhaps Ingrid left him and this way she just opened wounds for him. She searched his eyes for an answer, but all she found there was sadness. It tugged at her heart, pierced through it like the sharpest knife. She knew she shouldn't, but she gently pressed, still holding his lower arm "Matthew?"

"She died."

A gasp escaped Atlantis' lips as she heard his silent voice, her mouth slightly gaped opened as she stared at him in disbelief. She wasn't even aware of tears that formed in her eyes.

But, Matthew was. He noticed the gentle touch of her palm on his lower arm, he saw the tears glistening on the edge of her eyelashes…and it all took him by surprise…She had such a calming effect on him; his heart didn't bleed at the memory of Ingrid like it used to…

Unable to stop herself, Atlantis hugged him. For a second, he hesitated.

Something about her felt so good. Felts so right. He remembered when he met Emma; she made him look at the things brighter than he saw them before he met her and after Ingrid's death. She did make him feel good. But…with Emma, it felt like he was walking on a thin ice. And it broke in the end. She was gone. For good.

And in next second, his arms took a will of his own; he encircled them around Atlantis' waist and hid his face in her hair…

"Atlantis! Atlantis, where are you?", female's voice was heard.

"Oh, no, I have to go", whispered Atlantis, slowly pulling away "That was my cue, she looked at the circus tent, not wanting to leave. Desperately, she looked at Matthew "I…uh…wait for me? Please? I have to finish the show", she still held his hands, afraid that if she lets him go, he will disappear.

But, he didn't. He nodded "Okay."

Atlantis let go of his hands and started to walk away…but after few steps only, she came back. She looked at his eyes and he felt her palm on his right cheek, gently caressing it as she whispered "I am so sorry…I know it's a cliche…but I really am…I don't know what to say…", tears became heavy and rolled down her cheeks.

"Atlantis!", a female's voice was getting nervous as it hollered from the tent.

Slowly, Matthew cupped Atlantis' face and gently wiped tears away with his thumbs "I'll be here", he swallowed hard "Thank you."

She caressed his palms and reluctantly let go and turned away.

Matthew watched her leaving, that strange feeling of inner peace and belonging never abandoning him…


	4. Chapter 4

**Bit short, but the next one will be longer, I promise. :) Let me know what do you think, please! :)**

**Chapter 4**

Heart waited for Atlantis as she stepped down from the stage. Behind her, people were still applauding and cheering loudly.

"What's the matter with you?", Heart silently spoke.

"What do you mean?", Atlantis looked at her with innocent look as she poured herself a glass of water.

"You've done several mistakes out there! That didn't happen to you for years", she watched as blood ran into Atlantis' cheeks and quizzically raised one eyebrow "Atlantis?"

Atlantis let out a frustrated sigh. She wasn't in the mood for Heart's interrogating, she just wanted to get away from the circus tent as soon as possible and find Matthew "There's nothing wrong. I guess I'm just tired, that's all. Might need a walk."

"Do you want me to come with you? I mean if you feel poorly, you shouldn't go outside by yourself", Heart wasn't giving in that easily.

Just for a moment, Atlantis closed her eyes. She knew that Heart won't like it, she never liked anything to distract Atlantis from her circus career…but, she knew that Heart will bug her.

"No, I…", Atlantis pondered for a moment what should she tell her. Taking a deep breath in, she finally let out the words "I actually ran into an old friend and wanted to catch up. Alone."

"Oh", Heart was slightly surprised. _Friend? In Denver?_ "But, this is he first time we are in Denver, how could you possibly have a friend in this town?"

Atlantis grew impatient. She didn't have time for this; Matthew could think that she won't come and go away. Therefore, she grabbed her coat and said "Look, I'll tell you everything once I come back, but I really have to go now", she quickly kissed Heart on the cheek and before older woman could protest, Atlantis was gone.

She quickly climbed uphill and frantically looked around. People were leaving the circus tent, talking and walking slowly which was driving Atlantis mad. In the whole bunch of slow moving men, women and children she couldn't see Matthew. With "Excuse me" and "Pardon" she tried to clear her way through the mass, looking around herself all the time.

He was nowhere in sight.

Desperate, Atlantis turned on her heel and literally bumped into someone, gasping in both surprise and fear. Two hands grabbed her lower arms, steadying her and she heard his voice "It's okay, it's me!", she looked up and her eyes collided with the blue orbs of Matthew's eyes. She wasn't sure why was her heart pounding – was it because of bumping into someone or was it because it was Matthew she bumped into?

"You shouldn't creep up like that, almost gave me a heart attack", she joked, trying to catch her breath. The sight of a smile gracing his beautiful face made her heart pound even faster and she slightly chuckled to hide her anxiety.

"I'm sorry", he offered with a smile "How about I take you for a dinner to make it up?"

She felt warmth creeping up her spine and nestling into her heart. There was something in his charming looks that she couldn't resist to. Atlantis gently scolded herself to get a grip. She wasn't a teenager anymore to have a crush on him. Besides, he was probably married. She slowly bit on her lower lip, pondering his invite. Should she accept?

"Atlantis?, he silently called her. He saw hesitation in her eyes and wondered what was the matter.

"I'm sorry, I…", she shyly looked at him "Is it, uhmmm…Is it okay that we go? I mean, don't you have to go home?", unconsciously she bit on her lower lip again.

Matthew looked at her confused "No", he tried to look her in the eyes, but she avoided his look "Is something wrong?"

Atlantis huffed in frustration at herself "No, I just thought that somebody is waiting for you to come home", she collected all the courage she had to glance at Matthew and panicked as she felt her cheeks getting crimson red.

It finally dawned at Matthew what was she thinking of and realization could be read on his face. His heart skipped a beat at the sight of a young woman in front of him and he softly smiled "No, nobody is waiting for me."

Atlantis swallowed hard and tried to chase away the thought that she just made a fool out of herself, first class, even bigger than the clowns from her circus were. "I talk too much", she whispered, looking down.

Matthew couldn't help but smile at her as his blood ran faster through his veins. Trying to put her mind at ease, he gently rubbed her upper arm and asked "Hungry?"

The simple touch from him send sparkles up and down Atlantis' body and she knew it – she was lost.

_Was it a bad thing?_

She looked up at him, a smile hidden in his sapphire blue eyes and in a moment she relaxed at the sight of him. If she was able to put a smile in his sad eyes than she will talk 24/7 if needed.

Therefore, she nodded and as blood ran into her cheeks again, Atlantis replied "Famished!" and watched as another smile lifted the corners of is mouth.

For now, that was enough.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The warmth breathed in Atlantis' face as she entered the restaurant. It was a lovely, cosy place, the walls were dark brown colour with little white lamps hanging from it. There was a fireplace illuminating the hall with the warm light from the flames which danced up in the air, playing with the shadows on the wall.

"Good evening, Mr. Cooper", a young man greeted Matthew.

"Good evening, Stephen. Is there a free table for two?", asked Matthew.

"Certainly. Why don't you give me your coats and I will show you to your table", Stephen replied with a polite smile.

Atlantis unbuttoned her coat and softly smiled as Matthew held it for her. A quick touch of his fingers on her shoulders made her heart skip a beat and she looked down at the top of her shoes as Matthew talked to Stephen while they walked toward the table in a corner, a bit hidden from the rest of a restaurant. Stephen didn't know who was the young charming lady with lawyer Cooper, but he assumed that they wanted some privacy.

Matthew pulled out a chair for her and it caught Atlantis off the guard. She whispered a silent "Thanks" as she sat down, trying to calm down her racing heart.

She nervously looked up as Stephen handed them Menus and said he will be back in few minutes. Taking a deep breath in, Atlantis looked across the table, taking in Matthew's handsome features as he was reading the Menu. His blond hair got a bit darker tone over the years. She carefully took in the seriousness that laid over his face, giving him a look of a grown up man. When she met him all those years ago, he was smiling all the time, she remembered vividly that it was his radiant smile that could brighten up her day no matter how grey the sky turned that morning…It was gone now. That smile she used to love so much was gone now and the ones she saw were just a shadow.

Her eyes traced down the lines of his face. Atlantis couldn't help but wonder what exactly happened to him… He was so far away from everybody, obviously fighting life on his own…How can a man be strong enough for that?

Sudden movement of his eyelids caught her unprepared and she felt herself blushing as his eyes met hers. She was caught staring at him. Atlantis nervously bit her lower lip and flipped a page of the Menu.

Stephen saved her as he came by and asked did they decide what will they order. As she felt Matthew' look on her face, Atlantis shifted on her chair and mumbled "Honestly, I have no idea", she said, a bit frustrated at herself as she didn't even have enough time to read what kind of meals this restaurant offered. _'I have nobody to blame for that but myself. How could I stare at him like that and for so long?!'_, she scolded herself, swallowing hard as she looked up. What she saw surprised her; there was that smile on Matthew's beautiful face and she blinked two times, secretly pinching herself for her hand under the table as to be sure that she isn't dreaming. No, it was there. She shook her head at herself, nervously chuckling "Can you recommend something? You're obviously a regular guest here", she asked almost apologetically. Matthew smiled again and nodded.

"You like chicken? It's great here", he said.

"Chicken is fine", she smiled back "And you can put some rice with it and some salad, that would be splendid", she gave her Menu to Stephen and young man retreated. Atlantis looked at Matthew and mumbled through chuckles "Sorry. I tend to just stare at people like that. Heart tells me I should be more tactful, but I hate acting like I have a stick stuck in my spine", this brought her another sincere smile from Matthew as well and Atlantis sipped on her water, her senses finally calming down. He was smiling – that was what she wanted, that was what was important to her. She hated seeing him carrying a shadow across his face and in his dark blue eyes.

"Well, to your defense, I have to say that I didn't laugh this much for quite some time", Matthew admitted. He gazed warmly at her; it was true what he just said. There was no pretending with Atlantis. She was honest and simple, just like he remembered her. And still very shy. He wondered why. She grew up to a beautiful young woman. As he sipped on his water, his eyes secretly caught a sight of her hands; they were completely normal. The biggest reason why she never felt sure of herself was gone and Matthew definitely couldn't understand why was she still so obviously unsure of herself.

She noticed his look directed at her fingers and swallowed hard. Years of hiding her hands made her unsure of herself and her anxiety came back full force. She started to place her glass back on the table, but it fell from her shivering fingers and water spilled over the tablecloth causing Atlantis to gasp. Matthew quickly picked up the falling glass and his hand brushed against the tips of Atlantis' fingers. He quickly caught her palm, to calm her down "Atlantis, it's okay."

He watched as her breathing slowly calmed down and now he understood; she never got over that insecurity her webbed fingers brought to her. He scolded himself for even looking at them "I'm sorry", he gently said. As her eyelids slowly lifted and she looked at him, he nodded "I'm sorry for pushing you back when I first saw your hands and I am sorry for looking at them now", as she silently sniffed, looking down at the table again, Matthew raised his eyebrows, trying to cheer her up. His thumb gently caressed the small, barely visible cut between her thumb and index-finger and he slowly added "Now we are even. I was also caught staring at you", that did the trick; a small chuckle escaped her full rosy lips and Matthew felt his heart skip a beat at the sight of them…

And as if on cue, Stephen showed up with their food and a comfortable silence prevailed as they started to eat.

It was a good excuse for Atlantis to calm down her racing heart and nerves. The chicken tasted heavenly, she decided as she slowly ate. After few bites, she said "Good choice. Chicken is delicious."

Matthew nodded "Glad you like it. I often come here for a lunch break when I work in office", he explained.

"What are you doing?", Atlantis asked, interested.

"I am a lawyer. Been working in a joint practice with my colleague, Mr. Jameson for already two years", he put another piece of meat in his mouth.

Atlantis' eyes went wide open "Wow, a lawyer?"

Matthew nodded "I had first case in Colorado Springs actually. Been Sheriff before that", he slightly grimaced "That didn't go quite well, but definitely got me more interested to study law. I wanted to do something to actually help people, you know."

Atlantis gently smiled "It suits you", she commented, dipping a piece of chicken in a sauce.

Matthew watched her calm eyes, they were so warm, her long eyelashes gave a dreamy look to her hazelnut eyes. For a moment, they were both silent. Atlantis dreaded to ask, but something inside her didn't give her peace. She wanted to know. She needed to know what happened to him so she could understand him better…perhaps even help him. She didn't want him to stay so sad, it broke her heart to see him like that.

So she took a deep breath in and silently commented "Two years…How did you decide to move from Colorado?", she silently asked, never taking her eyes of him.

Matthew put down his fork and for a moment just stared at his plate and shrugging his shoulders, he said "It seemed like the only thing left to do. Too many bad memories, too many things reminding me of everything that happened, of …", he fell silent.

"Ingrid", he heard Atlantis' soft whisper and looked up at her. Her face was warm and understanding, she joined her palms under her chin and carefully watched him. He just nodded. She slightly creased her eyebrows and gently asked "What happened to her?"

It's been a long time. Too long since anybody asked him about Ingrid. Too long since anybody asked him about anything. It all swirled in what it seemed endless circle inside his head, it felt like a bottomless hole he was falling into deeper and deeper.

He didn't even notice Atlantis moving her chair closer to his until her palm gently touched his arm. He slightly flinched at physical connection between them, but didn't withdraw his hand.

She watched as he swallowed hard. Once, twice…the third time. Her anxiety was gone, she didn't even think about being this close to him. She wanted to fix this, wanted to make him feel better…wanted to bring sunshine back in his eyes again and that loving, radiant smile of his back to his handsome face. She wanted to chase away the demons that sat too long on his tortured heart.

"Matthew?", her voice was barely a whisper and her heart literally broke in pieces when he picked up his eyes and looked at her; she could almost touch the pain and immense sadness that came from him. She could tell that he didn't talk about this…or anything for quite some time. Her eyes never left his as she heard him whisper "She died of rabies. Brian's Pup attacked her and we couldn't save her. She died in my arms."

Atlantis gasped in shock; she didn't expect this. She thought that poor Ingrid caught some disease…but, this…She heard and read about several cases and she knew very well that there was no cure for rabies. Tears shone on her eyelashes like diamonds and she blinked them away, silently asking "How…how long? How long was she sick?"

Matthew let out a shivering breath "Two weeks. After he bit her, Dr. Mike cut the affected skin and she was fine for two weeks. I thought that she will be alright, I really thought that I will spend my whole life with her, we were suppose to be married and as she was feeling good we just continued with preparations for the wedding until…", he shivered at the memory of hearing Ingrid's incomprehensible screams from the recovery room "Jon, her brother drove her to the Clinic, she could barely breathe, her asthma attacks got worse. I wasn't there and the moment I heard what was going on, that she got worse, I ran as fast as I could. When I reached the Clinic, they wouldn't let me see her, but I broke away from them and opened the doors of the room..."

By now, Atlantis could barely understand what was he saying because of the sobs that interrupted his voice. Her other hand found its way toward his shoulder and she gently squeezed it, the fingers of her other hand intertwined with his fingers. She could feel how he squeezed her fingers bit more as he continued to talk "She was having an attack, screaming, three or four of them were holding her as Dr. Mike tried to give her a sedative, foam was dripping of her lips and her eyes were like a glass", at this, he broke down completely and Atlantis quickly let go of his palm and shoulder and pulled him in her arms, hugging him tightly. Tears rolled down her cheeks at the revelation. She still remembered Ingrid, she was such a nice girl and to hear that her life ended up in such a cruel way broke Atlantis' heart. Nobody deserved to suffer like that. Nobody.

And what did he say; that it was Brian's Pup who bit Ingrid and sent her to death?

'_Dear God…What did that do to Matthew and Brian?'_

She closed her eyes, her warm tears falling down on Matthew's hair as she gently rocked him in her embrace and whispered "Cry it all out, Matthew. I am here. Cry it all out. Don't hold anything in."

And from the sobs that only got stronger, she knew that it was a long, long, LONG time ago since Matthew allowed himself to cry in front of somebody.


	6. Chapter 6

**Well, I just finished my first story "Walking On the Wire" and now it is time to update this one! :) So here is a new chapter for all of you. It still is a big foggy for both Atlantis and Matthew, lets hope that they'll manage to clear the road! ;)**

**Chapter 6**

Atlantis didn't say a word for next few minutes, just held Matthew in her arms, hugging him tightly. How long was he crying…she wasn't sure. But, Atlantis was certain that he didn't cry for a long, long time, not even now when he was all alone in Denver far away from his family and people he knew his whole life. Now she could understand the sadness and pain she saw flickering in his eyes since she saw him for the first time after so many years outside the circus tent. Now she understood why wasn't he smiling. And now she definitely understood that he wasn't able to stay in Colorado Springs anymore. In town where every corner would remind him of his late fiancee and where he could still feel Ingrid's spirit. But, somehow she thought that the wound was much more deeper than what he told her. Running away wasn't a solution because memories are following person wherever he or she goes. She could see that he still dealt with all that and was almost sure that his life in Denver consisted only from work, work, work. And that wasn't a solution.

The music that played in the restaurant and the place where they were sitting gave them much needed privacy now. The two tables close to them were empty, no guests. Atlantis was grateful for that. She didn't want Matthew to close in now just because of fear that somebody could hear him.

It felt good to talk. Talk to somebody who really listened. Matthew felt that a huge rock fell off his heart and he slowly started to calm down, only now realizing that they were in a public place and the moment he remembered that, he tensed up. Quickly, he pulled away from Atlantis and wiped his face with few almost angry movements. _'How could I allow myself to break down like this?!'_, he scolded himself.

Atlantis understood the reaction. Just like she thought; he didn't want anybody to hear him, he didn't need anybody's pity. Therefore, she poured a glass of water and slowly put it on the table in front of him. As he remained frozen on his char, Atlantis took glass and gently nudged him to take it. He shook his head and glanced at his watch, saying shortly "We should go", looking up, he waved to Stephen and took his wallet out.

Atlantis creased her eyebrows slightly, but didn't say a thing. Quietly, she placed a glass back on the table, collected her coat and purse and cast a sad smile to Stephen as he approached them.

Stephen creased his eyebrows too a bit as he felt the tension in the air. He knew Matthew for almost two years now as a calm, quiet man who usually had meals alone in the restaurant. Only twice did he see his colleague dinning with him, but other than that Matthew Cooper was a loner. This was quite a surprise for him to see him in a female's company, but now he knew that something went wrong. Matthew seemed upset and the young lady with him looked quite sad. Stephen couldn't help but wonder what happened.

Still, he didn't ask anything, just did his job, picking up the plates, producing a bill and after getting the money, he curtly nodded to two of them and left their table.

Atlantis felt uncomfortable. She remembered how Heart always told her that she is talking way too much, that she shouldn't open up to people easily. It looked like she just rammed her head against the wall again. Silently sighing in a pure frustration at herself, she declined Matthew's help with putting her coat on "Thanks, I can manage on my own", she mumbled silently, already doing the buttons on her white coat.

That comment hit the nerve. Matthew realized what had he done and he mentally slapped himself across the cheek. Hard. Atlantis was nothing but kind and friendly and what did he do? He watched her leaving toward the doors and shook his head, angry at himself as he left their table and followed her.

Outside, the snowflakes ruled the winter air and Atlantis felt thankful as their coldness cooled her cheeks. She swallowed hard in order to keep the tears in her eyes. She put her gloves on, grateful for the darkness of the night, hoping that she won't have to discuss anything with Matthew right now, that he won't see how upset is she. Not at him, but at herself. She should just listen to what Heart tells her and stop talking so much and trusting people…

"Atlantis! Atlantis, wait!", she heard Matthew's voice and inhaling a deep breath, she turned around to see him running toward her. Before she could utter a word, he caught her lower arm and breathlessly said "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please…I…"

"It's my fault, I shouldn't press you…", she shook her head, looking away from him.

"NO! Please, don't think like that!", Matthew couldn't believe what did this evening turned into "You were so kind and listened to me, I…", he let out a frustrated breath "I'm just not used to that", the words were out before he realized what was his heart saying. That caught Atlantis' attention and she looked back up at him. Encouraged by that, Matthew continued "I didn't talk to anybody about Ingrid for a long time. Actually, I didn't talk about anything…", the look in her eyes softened and Matthew felt a tiny spark of hope"Please, none of this is your fault. You didn't do anything. It was just stupid me and look at the place I chose to open up and break down like that", he finished, his forehead wrinkling with frustration.

"Well, there was nobody around us", Atlantis mumbled silently "And I won't say anything to anybody. It all stays between us, don't worry… Besides, to whom could I tell? I don't know anybody here except you and I'll be leaving in two weeks or so", she smiled sadly.

Matthew felt the air leaving his lungs at her words and pain sting his heart. He shifted uncomfortably from one leg to another realizing only now that their time was limited and he definitely didn't make a good start. Years passed since he saw Atlantis, but now it felt like she was always there, like they talked every day. To hear that she will go away again didn't sat good with him and he wondered why. '_Perhaps because it was good to have a friend?'_

"I'm sorry", he whispered "Please, let me make it up to you. How about we go somewhere for a drink?"

"Uhm, actually, I should get back", Atlantis quickly replied, not sure anymore that spending time with Matthew and talking to him was such a good idea. She could feel that she is falling for him again and that scared her.

Matthew watched her face and noticed even in the shade of the winter night that something was going on. He couldn't forgive himself for the way he treated her tonight. It wasn't fair. Plus, being in her company made him feel so good and he missed feeling like that…

"Atlantis, please…Let me make this up. Lets go for a walk at least and tomorrow we'll have a normal dinner, lunch, whatever, I promise. Please, don't say no, please?", he locked his eyes with hers and didn't want to look away. Pleading look in his crystal blue orbs didn't allow Atlantis to break their eye contact. Something inside of her broke and she nodded, whispering a silent "Okay".

His face glowed with a smile causing Atlantis' heart to skip a beat. There it was – that charming smile of his that disarmed her years ago. Feeling that her cheeks will most likely get a nice shade of red, she quickly started to walk down the street.

"It's less cold since the snow fell", she offered after few moments of ear burning silence and she smiled against the warmth of her shawl. Her mind calmed down a bit. Matthew smiled softly at her and nodded, saying "Yeah, it was too cold few days ago. I remember my colleague came to the office practically frozen one day because he left his hat at his home and I tell you, he doesn't have much hair to keep him warm", Matthew chuckled and as Atlantis laughed, he felt himself relax.

'_Perhaps nothing was lost.' _

He watched her as they walked down the road and found himself enjoying her company, relaxing at the sound of her voice talking about everything and nothing. He smiled at hearing the stories from her travels, amazed at everything she saw and went through, people whom she met, places she visited...

"Wow, when I listen to you, my life definitely sounds boring!", he laughed and Atlantis chuckled.

"Well, it has its good sides, I guess. But sometimes I just wish to be alone, to have some peace. Sometimes I just can't stand the crowd", she produced a small smile as her eyes looked into the distance.

"Have you ever consider leaving the circus?", asked Matthew and she shrugged.

"And do what? I was in the circus ever since I could remember", replied Atlantis, not looking at Matthew…And he glanced at her, seeing her in a brand new light. He though that she was happy…but, obviously she wasn't.

"You know what? It starts to get cold. How about we go over there for a cup of coffee?", he showed her a little coffee shop down the street and she nodded, not saying a word. Matthew watched her as she walked beside him. Her face got a distant and lonely expression and it tug at his heart…

The warmth of the coffee shop warmed their faces as they entered. Atlantis followed Matthew toward the vacant table and smiled gratefully at him. It felt good to have him around.

After they ordered the drinks, Matthew looked at her and carefully said "Well, lets just imagine that you leave the circus…Is there anything you'd like to do?"

Atlantis looked at him, his question caught her off the guard. She shifted in her chair a bit uncomfortably and whispered "I don't know…"

"Okay, where would you want to live? You saw so much of the world, is there some place you'd like to stay?", he smiled in a desperate try to lift her spirits up, not realizing that he only added to her discomfort with that question.

Swallowing hard, Atlantis looked away "I don't bond for places", in that moment, the waiter brought their drinks and she slowly sipped on her coffee. This wasn't going good. Again, she was talking way too much.

"Well, is there somebody special somewhere?"

'_And now it just became worse.'_

She closed her eyes, falling silent. From all the people, **he** was asking that question.

She shook her head "This is silly", Atlantis forced a chuckle.

Matthew could see the change on her face and wondered what was wrong. Perhaps she had somebody somewhere who hurt her and he might have just opened the wound.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask…", he silently offered, but she smiled reassuringly at him.

"It's not your fault", she said, remembering their conversation long time ago.

_**«Listen, um, if I said or did anything…» **_

_**«You didn't do anything… it was just my own mixed up way of thinking.» **_

**«Well I just wanted to say if I wasn't, you know, engaged I would be truly honored to have someone as special as you like me.»**

_'And I misunderstood again'_, Atlantis thought as she forced another smile and said «I don't have anybody anywhere. It's hard when you're in Washington one day, next month in New York and than who knows where», she tried to laugh, but Matthew realized that she wasn't honest. She wasn't telling him something.

**xxxxxxxx**

«I had a lovely time tonight, thanks, Matthew», said Atlantis as they reached the area where the circus was.

Matthew looked around. How could he think that she was happy and carefree? She didn't have a home practically.

He looked at her and wondered what was the real story of her life… Tonight she told him only funny stuff about her life in circus and he couldn't help but wonder what is hiding behind the curtain after the show?

He decided right here and now that he won't let go of this easily. She was there for him today and encouraged him to confide in her about Ingrid. He never felt like he could open up to someone like that for years…Matthew wasn't ready to let go of that. He wasn't willing on letting go of her so easily.

Therefore, he gently smiled at her and said «Well, I'm glad to hear that because I had a great time too. And I'd like to repeat it without…my stupid errors», he offered her another apologetic look and Atlantis' face lit up with a warm smile.

«Don't be so hard on yourself», she warmly said and her words touched the most hidden parts of his heart.

_'How did she always know what to say to make him feel good?'_

«What do you think that I pick you up for breakfast tomorrow? I can show you a bit of Denver», he asked as he took in her lovely features. She grew up to a beautiful young woman; her long eyelashes shaded two big hazelnuts eyes, her lips looked like the petals of a blooming rose and her long brown hair cast across one of her shoulder looked like a waterfall. It felt like the world ceased to exist every time he would loose himself in those chocolate orbs…

For a moment, Atlantis hesitated wondering can anything grow out of this? She knew now that her feelings for him never died, they were just sleeping until she locked her eyes with his two sapphire orbs again. God must have had a plan for two of them…why would she bump into Matthew again if that wasn't the case? '_Perhaps we can be at least friends?'_

Shifting in the place, she nodded «Okay. I'll meet you here at eight, if it's not too early for you?», she carefully suggested.

«It's perfect», he smiled and than did something that made Atlantis' breath stop right in her lungs; he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on her cheek. She closed her eyes just for a second, savoring the feeling of his lips on her skin.

«Good night, Atlantis», he silently said as his eyes lingered on her face. She mumbled a silent «Good night» and watched him going down the hill leaving her asking herself was this only a dream or…

…**or did he really come back to her life?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello, everybody! I had four exams in less than a month, passed three and that was the reason why i wasn't around, I really had to study. I hope that you are still here, willing to read and review my stoy about Atlantis and Matthew. Here's a new chapter, finally! Thanks for all your lovely comments so far, they really push me forward! **

**Chapter 7**

Atlantis tiptoed toward her bed casting cautious glances at Heart. The older woman looked like she was in a deep sleep and so Atlantis relaxed a bit, glad that she doesn't have to explain herself why did she arrive home so late. She knew that it will be inevitably tomorrow morning when she sets off to have breakfast with Matthew, but…

Atlantis' face lightened up with a smile '_But, that will be tomorrow'_

__Quickly, she changed into her nightgown and snuggled under the covers, the softness of the pillows and her bed causing her to sigh contently. She pulled her blanket tighter on her body as she turned on her side and stared into darkness, not even aware of a smile that played on her lips.

The darkness was like a big black paper on which she could draw from her memory…yeah, his hair darkened a bit…had an ashy blonde tone to it. His face was shaven and she was almost sure that he didn't wear any beard or moustaches at all… His eyes were the same sparkling blue like she remembered, but his face…his face was less happier than before…and now she knew why.

Turning on her back, Atlantis stared at the silhouettes of the ceiling that she could see in the thick blackness that ruled the space. Curling her left hand under her head, she inhaled a deep breath as her mind danced around the memories…

She wondered did it make sense to hope for anything at all…So many time has passed, perhaps he was just trying to be nice, perhaps he was just catching up with an old acquaintance…And after all, she was about to go away soon and who knows when will they see each other again…or will they ever see each other again…

His questions echoed in her mind… She never thought about leaving circus, didn't know what would she do, where would she live. Atlantis slightly bit her lower lip, getting lost in her imagination for just a mere second, she thought…How would it be amazing to stay here, close to Matthew, be a part of his life…

One warm tear rolled down her cheek and she closed her eyes, the images of her impossible wishes haunting her senses until the dream had mercy on her and she feel into a restless slumber…

**xxxxxx**

Soft clicking of the dishes woke Atlantis up and she blinked few times to clear her eyesight.

"Morning", Heart cheerfully greeted her "You woke up early."

"What time is it?", Atlantis mumbled a question.

"It will be seven soon", replied Heart as she poured coffee in two cups "Didn't hear you last night."

"I didn't want to wake you up, you were already sleeping once I came back", getting up, Atlantis went to wash her face. As she splashed cold water across her cheeks, she savoured the feeling of it. It felt so good against her flushed skin.

"Did you have a nice time last night with your friend?"

_And so it started._

Catching a towel from the shelf, Atlantis took a deep breath in and after a moment or two, she came back toward the table and nodded "Yeah. It was great. "

"Do I know that friend of yours?", Heart cautiously asked.

Taking a deep breath in, Atlantis sat down as Heart placed a plate with scrambled eggs in front of her "I can't eat, I…I am meeting him for breakfast…in an hour."

Heart's eyes twinkled teasingly "Well…it looks like _**he**_ is really special", sitting down next to Atlantis, she gently nudged her "Come on…you know this ol' lady is dying of curiosity. Who is he?"

Atlantis looked up at Heart; for years there were just two of them. Travelling together, working, talking…everybody else just came and go, but Heart was always there. Atlantis wasn't sure how will she react, but it wasn't possible to keep it a secret anymore that she ran into…

"Matthew Cooper", Atlantis whispered.

A fork fell from Heart's hand and its clicking sound sounded like something broke. The silence was tense, too tense. Atlantis nervously shifted at her seat as she watched Heart staring at her, than trying to gain her composure back, she lifted a fork and raising an eyebrow, commented "Well…That's a surprise."

Atlantis bit her lower lip a bit, something she always did when she was nervous and Heart noticed it. She suddenly felt sorry for reacting the way she did. Taking a deep breath in, she shook her head and a smile, the one that she learned how to produce even when she didn't feel happy at all, lifted the corners of her lips.

She slowly started on her breakfast and after swallowing her first bite, she looked up back at Atlantis and asked "What is he doing here in Denver?"

Atlantis took a glass of water and picking it up, she replied "He lives here."

Heart creased her eyebrows at this reply "What about his family? Doctor Quinn, his siblings…he got married and moved here?"

Atlantis shook her head "No. He is alone here. His fiancée died few years ago."

"Oh, my God!", Heart gasped, her palm covering her lips a bit. She wasn't expecting to hear this.

"Yeah", a shadow crossed Atlantis' face as she remembered everything that Matthew told her… So many things happened since she and Heart left Colorado Springs. So many _bad_ things happened to Matthew. She could see that he was close to a breaking point. Life doesn't ask, it just punches you in the face, doesn't care can you deal with it or not. Atlantis wasn't sure how was Matthew dealing with everything that happened to him. Ingrid's death was one thing, but…the question that bothered her last night also came to her mind now. How big was the damage? What did it do to Matthew and Brian?

"Atlantis?", Heart quietly called.

"I don't know, it's…it's such a mess. I think that his life is such a mess. Do you remember his little brother Brian?", as Heart nodded, Atlantis added "Well, apparently it was Brian's dog who caught rabies and bit Ingrid and she died of it."

"Oh, no", Heart mumbled.

"And Brian lives in Boston now. He barely mentioned him, talked more about Colleen", Atlantis silently added.

"You think that things aren't the same between them?", Heart silently asked.

Atlantis shrugged and absently drank a sip of water " I don't know. I don't know what to think."

Silence prevailed between them, each lost in their own thoughts. Suddenly, Atlantis stood up and said "I have to get ready, he will pick me up at eight."

Heart remained sitting while Atlantis searched for the clothes. Years passed by since they were in Colorado, but Heart still remembered how their lives changed that day. They became closer than ever. Atlantis' hands were fixed, but her heart was forever lost. It wore a scar forever, a memory of her first heartache. She grew up to a beautiful young woman, she was one of the best performers their circus ever saw, but she just dived into her job, not letting anybody close to herself. Not that she didn't have any suitors, oh there were so many of them, but the moment she realized that they might move things to a higher level than a friendship, she would back up. Her excuse was always work and travelling a lot. Heart was worried because of that because she didn't expect for Atlantis to stay in the circus forever, but every time she would suggest to settle down somewhere, to leave the circus, Atlantis objected. It suit her well to run away from everything. Never settle down. Never staying somewhere long enough to change her life. She was running from it…she was running from herself.

_What about now?_

Heart was tempted to suggest to Atlantis to stay in Denver, but bit her tongue in the last moment; who knows what did she feel now. She never spoke of Matthew Cooper again. Ever. Well, except when the dreams took possession of her consciousness during the night. Heart couldn't count all the times she laid in the dark and heard Atlantis' whisper of his name, followed by tears rolling down her cheeks without her uttering a single cry. It's like she practiced so good to look happy in front of everybody, never talked about it that even in her dreams her crying wasn't audible. During the days she was all smiles and joking, never allowing to a living soul to see what is hiding behind her mask. But, Heart knew. She tried once to mention Matthew to Atlantis and it ended up in a heated argument when Atlantis told her to leave her alone and ran outside. After she came back, they never mentioned him again. Never.

Until now.

Slowly sipping on her coffee, Heart watched as Atlantis brushed her long brown hair and wondered what was their encounter like…She wondered is Matthew married. Atlantis said that Ingrid died. Surely somebody else was in his life.

She didn't dare to ask.

"I'll be home on time to get ready for tonight's show, don't worry", Atlantis said, leaning down and kissing Heart on the cheek. Older woman looked up at her and smiled sadly. Atlantis swallowed hard. She could see how worried Heart was "Don't worry. We'll talk when I get back. Okay?", as Heart nodded, slightly relieved, Atlantis winked at her and grabbing her coat, rushed outside.

Slowly, Heart got up. Years weren't nice to her, she couldn't move as easy as before without breathing hardly. Her limbs ached and her breathing was hard. It felt like a stone was pressing her lungs. She coughed a bit as she quickly reached the exit and stepped outside.

The snowy flash of Atlantis' white coat caught her eyes and she glanced at that direction. She looked up toward the small hill on which Atlantis was climbing and caught a sight of a young blonde man, dressed in a gray coat. She watched his face and noticed how much it changed. He definitely grew up and the hard life left marks on his face. However, the minute he saw Atlantis going toward him, it was like a sparkle of sunshine sneaked its way through his shadow. He warmly smiled and reached his hand toward Atlantis' hand.

Heart softly smiled, her eyesight blurring a bit with warm tears "Good. That's good", and with those silent words out, she slowly went back inside, pressing a shawl closer to her chest as another small cough escaped her lungs.

Not noticing that Heart followed her, Atlantis quickly climbed up the hill and as she looked up, a ray of sunshine blinded her eyes and she shielded them from the sun only to see Matthew's hand reaching out for her.

Her heart skipped a beat, her worries diminished at the sight of him. In the illumination of the golden sun tracks he looked almost unreal to her. A perfect vision that was a reflection of her dreams through so many years.

Matthew looked down at the young woman approaching and felt another brick of the barricade around his wounded soul shaking from its basic. His left hand, having a will of its own reached out for her even though there was absolutely no danger for her to slip; the hill was way too small for that…

"Hey", she smiled at him, accepting his hand. Even through gloves, electricity tickled her fingers.

" 'morning", he smiled back, helping her to step up beside him and watched mesmerized as tiny snowflakes of December morning melted on the hot chocolate of her long brown hair.

"Did you wait long for me?", Atlantis asked as she started to walk beside him and Matthew shook his head.

"No, I just arrived. Did you sleep well?"

Atlantis stared at the road in front of them, feeling how the circus area disappeared behind them and felt nervous…excited… anxious…Her rosy lips pouted slightly "Sort of…Heart snores, so…"

Matthew laughed, feeling so good beside her. They just met and she already made him laugh. He could feel the sun on his face now, something he didn't feel for quite some time.

"How is Heart?", he asked, smiling as he stuffed his palms in the pockets of his coat. The wind was picking up, silently howling.

Atlantis took a deep breath in and exhaled, falling silent. It alarmed Matthew immediately. His face fell serious and he looked at her as she spoke.

"Few years ago she caught a nasty cold, and ever since than she has problems with breathing. It always grows a bit worse when the winter approaches…I guess it's the age, but…"

Matthew watched as emotions played on Atlantis' face not even being aware that he was the only one who actually saw the moment when all her masks fell down…

Atlantis quickly scolded herself for dropping her guard. Years spent under the spotlights should taught her better…Little did she know that masks fall in front of the person who count because they have an ability to see through them.

"I just can't get used to the fact that one day she will be … you know…", Atlantis mumbled, not being able to put on her brave face anymore.

"Gone", Matthew added instead of her, knowing all too well how did she feel. The most painful memory flashed in his mind. A swollen hand with two nasty teeth marks from a rattle snake and his Mother fighting for her breath…he watched as she slowly gazed at each one of them…Colleen, Brian and him…and than her eyes went glossy as she exhaled her final breath…"I know how that feels."

Atlantis looked at him questioningly; something whispered to her that he wasn't referring to Ingrid here. Still, the years between them stopped her from asking too much. She watched as shadows played across his face and how they disappeared as their eyes connected. It made her blood run faster through her veins and she watched mesmerized as he slightly pointed his head on the left "Come on. Lets get some breakfast."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Outside, the snow was dancing wildly with the wind, colouring streets of Denver in white. Its fluffy texture grew on the ground, few kids happily jumped around and creating a little snowball fight. Atlantis couldn't help but smile on the little ones as she sat down on the chair next to the window, not even noticing that waiter placed a Menu in front of her.

Matthew nodded a thanks to waiter and looked at a young woman across the table. She was looking through the window, smile on her face. Curious what got her attention, he looked outside and saw five or six kids throwing snowballs on each other, running and shrieking from laughter. The scene tug at his heart as he realized that he will never have children. His dreams of a big family died together with Ingrid…

"Little misfits", Atlantis' voice snapped him out from his sad thoughts "They're so cute. Nothing can make my day like seeing something like this", she said, relaxed and took a Menu in her hands…

Not even noticing Matthew's eyes stopping on her for several moments…until he turned his attention to his Menu as well…

"You know, I still remember delicious fried chicken I ate in Colorado all those years ago", she said, looking up at him and Matthew smiled a little.

"Yeah, Grace's fried chicken is the best in town. Well, after Colleen's, that is", he added, his lips curling up a bit more as he thought of his sister. He missed her dearly more and more every single day.

"You must miss her terribly", Atlantis watched his face carefully. He nodded.

"Every day. We went through so much together. It's weird not having her close, you know", he took a sip of his water. Atlantis nodded understandingly.

"I admired her so much back than. She was so young and already assisted Dr. Mike in her practice. I remember I told her I would faint if I see blood", Atlantis felt her cheeks burning up as she remembered what else did they discuss back than…or better to say who else. She tried to cover her embarassment by glancing at the kids outside again and their game instantly relaxed her. With a smile, she added "And now she's a Doctor. You must be so proud of her."

Matthew nodded, taking a deep breath in ""Yeah, she made me very proud. Colleen was always a good student, the best in her class."

Atlantis watched him carefully as their conversation slowly died and pondered…should she mention Brian?

Taking a sip of her water, she decided against it…If he wants, he will talk.

Still, she had to get at least a hint of how bad things were.

"Are you going to Boston to visit them?", she made it sound like she referred to Colleen and her husband, but she was actually thinking of Colleen and Brian.

Matthew swallowed hard and closed his Menu, the sound of it slightly startling Atlantis. She scolded herself for crossing the line…_'Heart is right. I should think before I talk.'_

"Not as much as I would want to", was Matthew's quiet reply and it caught her off her guard as she noticed how sad his face became. She didn't dare to reply or ask why, just let him to hear the echo of his words.

He didn't say anything at all. Atlantis felt her heart aching, but remained silent. She watched as he scanned the Menu, realizing that he wasn't even aware of what was he reading. Atlantis could feel how the distance bewteen them grew even bigger and she took a deep breath in, looking down at her own Menu.

That inhale of breath caught Matthew's attention and he glanced at Atlantis to see her forehead wrinkled a bit as she creased her eyeobrows, obviously thinking about something.

If only he knew…

Waiter came in that moment and took their orders. As they gave their Menus to him, Atlantis and Matthew's eyes met and with a small smile from both of them, barely visible, they agreed to keep on talking.

"So…do you like to live in Denver?", asked Atlantis, desperate to change the painful subject.

Matthew placed his glass back on the table after taking a sip of his water and nodded "Yeah…It was good to get away from Colorado. I can't say that I don't miss it at all, especially because of my family…But, with time, I adjusted here. And job kept me preoccupied…", his eyes went back to the kids outside. It was true what he said; his job did keep him busy so he barely had time to think of what was missing in his life.

"You must work from day to night", stated Atlantis „It's easier like that for me too. While I'm working, I'm not thinking about anything."

And with those words, she caught his full attention. Matthew looked back at her warm hazelnut eyes wondering what was her story. He noticed how she smiled sadly and in that moment waiter came bringing their meals.

Matthew waited until the waiter went away and picking up his fork and knife, he slowly started to cut his meal, cautiously saying "I'm sorry to hear that…Can I help you somehow?"

Atlantis didn't dare to look at him. She wasn't happy with her life at all. The lights of the stage didn't bring her joy. She was worried about Heart, her health was getting worse day by day. She was wondering what will she do when one day Heart is gone…

…And, most of all, she ached for the one she could never have…And he was watching her right now not even aware of her feelings for him.

Swallowing hard, she shook her head "It's nothing, really. But, thanks anyway", her voice was a mere whisper and Matthew sensed that she didn't tell him the truth…

"Well, if you ever need me, now you know where am I and you can contact me. Remember that", he stated seriously and Atlantis flinched a bit. He could see uncertainity in her eyes and wondered what was she thinking.

"Thanks, Matthew", she whispered.

"You're welcome", he smiled to assure her that he means every word and hoped that she won't forget what he told her.

Atlantis savoured this moment, she knew how often will she get back to it in her dreams and thoughts when the circus travels on around the world. She knew that she will search safety and home in memories of these few days spent with him. Probably after this lunch, she will see him again in few days and that was a big maybe… Matthew has a job here, he has life here…for him, she is just a reminder from the past, an acquitance.

"Would you mind that we stop by my office after breakfast? I took two weeks off, just have to show to my collegaue where are some files."

His words took her off her guard. _'He took two weeks off? That's how long I'll be in DenverI' _At that thought, she couldn't stop her lips curling up in a lovely smile and her heart fastened up a bit at the mere thought that she might, just might see him more often while she is Denver.

"Yeah, of course", she nodded and relaxed, took another bite of her meal, savoruing the taste it had "Mmm, this is delicious! You surely know where to eat in Denver!", she joked and Matthew laughed, admiring the peace he felt…that was always filling his senses when she was around. He wanted to use every moment of it so that's why he took two weeks off. He spent last night thinking quite a lot about it and he was sure that he made a right decision. This year he will skip going home for Christmas. He couldn't reason with why he wanted to stay in Denver, but some inner voice told him that it was the right decision. Plus, Colleen and Brian won't come this year and he can always travel to see Dr. Mike, Sully and most of all Katie after the holidays.

But, for now, he wanted to stay in Denver. His collegaue was thrilled that he finally decided to take a vacation. Keith Jameson was a kind old man, his wife and him lived close to the office where he and Matthew worked and immediatelly took in the quiet and hard – working young man under their wing. Laura Jameson often insisted that Matthew comes to their place for a lunch and they tried to see deeper in obviously wounded soul of Keith's business partner. They knew that he lost his fiancee few years ago to the rabies and that was it…For these two years, they both learned how their young friend appreciated solitude, it was like he was scared to face the posibility of being happy again. They never insisted on him to change his life style, but one thing they did is telling him to take some time off from his work and go out. But, he didn't…

**xxxx**

Keith Jameson was hovering over an opened drawer, grumbling the words that he knew his wife would scold him for saying them if she heard him. The office was just in such a mess, he spent almost whole morning searching for some files and the result of it were papers scattered all around the desk and on it.

"Bloody papers! I should hire an assistant to get this mess in order otherwise I will go crazy!", he silently cursed as if Laura can hear him and in that moment, he noticed a piece of dark grey file. "A - HA!", he exclaimed victoriously, pulling it outside, but with too much enthusiasm that the drawer fell out from the desk straight on his new polished black shoes. "Bloody hell!", he yelped in pain and in that moment, doors opened.

Keith looked up to see Matthew coming inside, nearly falling over the papers on the floor "What happened here?!", he asked in disbelief and turning around, he said to someone "Careful, watch where you're stepping, don't fall."

In that moment, doors opened a bit more and inside came a young woman in white coat, her long brown hair falling like a silk curtain on her back. She carefully avoided papers on the floor and when she looked up, Keith realized that she was about same age as Matthew was.

"Atlantis, I'd like you to meet Keith Jameson, my business partner and mentor. Keith, this is Atlantis, an old friend of mine."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Jameson", Atlantis smiled going over toward the desk and shaking hands with an older man.

"Pleasure's mine, Miss Atlantis", Keith grimaced a bit in pain "We're usually not this messy."

Atlantis glanced down and noticed a drawer laying on old man's feet "Oh, dear God!", she quickly pushed the drawer aside.

"What's wrong?", Matthew asked, concerned as he walked toward them over the pile of papers.

"A drawer fell on my feet while I was looking for the Parker's case", Keith allowed to Matthew and Atlantis to help him to sit down and Matthew quickly took his shoes off to check on the damage.

"Here, let me", Atlantis said, kneeling beside Matthew "I've seen things like this a lot", she quickly inspected few bruises on Mr. Jameson's left foot and asked "Mr. Jameson, can you move your fingers?", after he confirmed it, she said "It doesn't look like something is broken, just a bruise here. But, you should definitely go to see a doctor."

"Oh, I'm fine! The only damage is on the shoes, my wife is going to nag a life out of me. Not to mention that she will be here in about fifteen minutes and will nag even more about the mess."

Atlantis and Matthew shared smiles and Atlantis suggested "Why don't you rest while Matthew and me clean up?"

"Good idea", smiled Matthew "But, first", he searched the table and under it until he finally found the file that had "Parker"word on it. Meanwhile, Atlantis started to pick up the papers and after handing Keith a file, Matthew joined her.

Keith watched them work and after they picked up every file, chuckling all the time, Atlantis started to place them on the shelves in alphabetical order while Matthew came back toward the desk. Feeling Keith's stare on his face, he whispered "What?"

"Where did you hide her till now?", asked Keith, a twinkle of a smile sparkling in his eyes. He was glad to see Matthew so relaxed and wondered what's the story, how do they know each other.

Matthew smiled "She just showed up out of nowhere."

Atlantis hid a smile at hearing their silent talk and picked up few more papers…only to see a new edition of Boston Globe between them and her breath got caught in her throat.


End file.
